Reminder: Who Are Your Child's Friends on Facebook (or MySpace or Xanga)?

12-29-2008 09:54 AM

My teen-aged daughter had a friend over not long ago. Shortly after the girl went home, my daughter did something surprising; she asked me to remove her as a friend on Facebook. She knows that having me as a friend is a requirement for her to be involved in social networking. She's only 14 years old after all. So what had happened?

Apparently, while the two girls were visiting with each other, part of their entertainment was spending time chatting with friends on Facebook and AIM. When the other teen discovered my listing as one of my daughter's friends, she exclaimed negatively. I suppose my daughter was worried she wouldn't seem cool with her mom as one of her friends. Fortunately, I reminded her of our "deal" and the topic was dropped. I'm sure to some degree my daughter is relieved to have an excuse as iron clad as "my mom talks about internet safety for her living so I HAVE to have her as a friend." And I would hazard a guess that any recitation of that phrase is accompanied by significant sighing and eye rolling.

What happened next will not surprise you. My daughter discovered her friend was talking online with people she doesn't know. People she doesn't know and who appear to be much older than she is. Now my daughter became concerned because, again, given what her mother does for a living, she is acutely aware of why simply friending strangers can be a dangerous activity. And not only for the the child foolish enough to invite strangers into her intimate online world, but to her real-life friends whose lives are now being shared with these strangers. Let me be clear, if someone in your social network has a friend, that friend can see what's happening on your profile and site. For example, a work friend commented on a video posted by a daughter of another work colleague's page. I am not friends with that daughter but I was able to view the video where it appeared in my NewsFeed.

My dilemma was do I notify the girl's parents or use this as a teaching opportunity for the whole school. I've chosen to do both and have asked the principal to allow me to run a workshop with the high school class. I imagine it's a message the whole school needs, not just the one girl.

Comments

01-02-2009 01:05 PM

Hi Marian ,

I appreciate your great thoughts; and would recommend the same message to be spread along the whole world, especially for those who use similar Social Networking through Internet. I am not sure about the Facebook(not used it yet), but I am constantly using Orkut which is another popular social networking community. I think, it provides much more security over the private information for users. No one can access/view/post comments to the Videos/Posts/Details in the personal profile of user unless he/she have accepted and added that person as a friend. Only that particular person would be able to access the profile, not his/her friends. So, it is upto us to confirm whom we need to add as a friend. Education is a MUST here for identifying whom we can add as friend and trust when using similar Social networking communities.

Yogesh

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01-20-2009 01:42 AM

ArchanaShekar

Nice article and an good mesage too.I felt now social networking sites have increased the security like they ask every one to accept friendship, or whether he is your friend etc..

without the permission of the account holder no one can entre their account . So its upto the account holder to accept the friendship etc... We have totell them which is good to do bad on online.

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