Someone asked me about how they can use online dating safely. Inspired, I've come up with some tried-and-true tips for keeping it safe, both online and off. Here they are, just in time for Valentine's Day:
Marian's Top 10 Ways to Make Online Dating Safe and Fun!
Like anything else in life, you need to approach online dating cautiously, keep your wits about you, and be sure to have a sense of humor about it. But you should also take heed of these ten safety tips for the best results in online dating:
1. Pick your partner carefully.
No, I don't mean your romantic partner; I mean your online dating service! Make sure you select one that offers the best protection features while you are looking for your new romantic partner. Look for ways you can keep your actual information anonymous, safety and protection tips, and a privacy area on the site with tips on best practices. Do they offer ways to prevent unwanted people from contacting you? What consumer protection is there? It's worth the money to use a site that really wants you to be a contented, successful and SAFE customer.
Don’t use your real name, personal phone numbers, even actual city or place of employment when posting or contacting new people. Both men and women need to be careful about how much personal information they’re giving out, particularly during the initial “getting to know you” communication. For the big online dating services, this process usually takes place via email, and normally comes before any in-person meeting is planned. During this time, it’s easy to get too comfortable, so make sure you don’t reveal exactly where you live, exactly where you work, and keep your last name and phone numbers out of these e-conversations as well.
Sites offer services to help you protect your real information until you feel comfortable enough to share it. Use those services! That way, if someone you begin talking with, or even meet, just once turns out not to be for you, you can stay better protected. Protecting your identity using online dating services can prevent two bad outcomes. One, you'll avoid continuing contact with an unwanted person. And two, you'll prevent possible identity theft if someone learns enough about you to steal credit cards or apply for credit in your name.
Never share information about your membership with the online dating service, or discuss other services you might be using. Protect your real life friends and never include a new contact into your Instant Messaging or social networking friend lists. That would give them access to your friends and if the relationship doesn’t work out, it can be very difficult to remove this person from these additional attachments.
3. Use a separate Email address.
With free email services available from Gmail and Yahoo (among others), pick out a brand new email to use just for online dating. Keep this part of your life separate from your work and existing friends. Also, make sure your email address (screen name) doesn't sound sexually suggestive or doesn’t identify your real name, city or employer. Generally, you don’t want to reveal too much information about the "real you." Make sure your password can't be easily guessed either!
Enter the person's name into Google , Ask , Yahoo or other search engines and look to see if this person's information seems consistent. Have they joined any social networking groups? Posted a book review on Amazon? It's amazing what additional personal details are out there on the Web, just waiting for you to find. You might consider conducting a background check utilizing first and last name, age and residential city. For $40 you can find out if the person you are considering to seriously date has some sort of "bad" history attached to their character. Women can also check out www.dontdatehimgirl.com, where postings are often made by women who have been burned in one way or another.
Safeguard your personal information, receipts, car keys and your purse/wallet, during any face-to-face meetings to avoid thievery, tampering, identity theft or credit card fraud. Never share any of your passwords: for email, social networking sites or the online dating service. Make sure your passwords have nothing to do with real words, your name or date of birth, or could otherwise be guessed from someone who knows you.
There’s also a scam to be aware of: it doesn’t happen too often, but sometimes members of these services get matched with other members who are essentially con men or con women. These unscrupulous people usually tell a tale of being on an overseas business trip and being stranded. They request that money be sent to them to help them get home. Don’t fall for it! And be sure to report it to the service you are using.
6. Use a wing-man or wing-woman.
Tell someone what you are doing. When you are ready for a face-to-face meeting, make sure you let someone you know where you are going and who you are meeting. You can also set up a "safety call". This is when you ask a good, reliable friend to call your cell phone about 30-45 minutes into the date. Establish a special codeword with your buddy that allows you to create a reason or conversation that makes it sound like you need to end the date for an emergency or urgent matter. Make sure your “situation” isn’t one the date might offer to help you with (such as your dog got out of the yard, or the friend has a flat tire. A work-related problem, like a conference call that has just been set up, might work for you!) And since no one likes a liar, let’s save these “escape” plans for a real problem meeting you need to escape from, not just a dull evening or boring conversation.
When you first contact someone from the dating site, use a payphone or a disposable, pre-paid cell phone or block your telephone's caller ID (by dialing *67 before dialing). Find ways to prevent sharing your real phone number with a new contact until you are feeling comfortable and confident they won't abuse the privilege. If you do run into someone that is calling or sending you unwanted text messages, there is security software available, like Norton Smartphone Security for your phone that can help guard against unwanted calls and messages.
Block anyone who seems "off", creepy or abusive. Dating is supposed to be fun and potentially romantic! And don’t forget the most obvious advice: Always have your first meeting, and possibly the next few, in a public place. Never agree to meet someone at their house or at your own house. There should be plenty of people around. Make sure you park in a very public, well lit area in the event that they want to walk you to your car.
9. Keep a copy.
Just like in your regular life, you need to keep records. Keep copies of emails, and other messages from the people you meet. Don’t count on the service you are using to know who you are meeting and what they are saying. If a conflict comes up, you need to be looking out for you!
10. Online security still counts.
When you are online dating, your computer is suddenly the gatekeeper to your social life. You want to make sure your computer stays in tip-top shape, protected no matter what new websites you are visiting, or the new people you are coming into contact with. Some of the most common online threats are spread through email and instant messaging. Make sure you don't let your guard down and fall for a phishing attack in spam email or click a link in either email or an instant message. Don't download files - even if an alert comes up on the site - without double-checking to see if it is real. Use internet security software (and keep it updated) so you are protected whenever you are online.
That’s it! All ten of these tips combine the best in real world practicality with the “been there, done that” experience of what can go wrong in online, digital dating. Keep your wits about you and your sense of humor intact, and give it a try! You may find a great new friend, try some new restaurants in your town, or even find true love!! Just make sure to play safe!