This was just too good not to share and it applies equally well to antivirus products and Microsoft operating systems. 
NEW Different colour from previous design
ALL NEW Parts are not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE Imported
UNMATCHED Almost as good as the competition
FOOLPROOF OPERATION No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT"S HERE AT LAST Rush job. Nobody new it was coming.
FIELD TESTED Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY Unit on which all parts fit
FUTURISTIC No other reason to explain why it looks the way it does
REDESIGNED Previous flaws fixed........we hope
DIRECT SALES ONLY Manufacturer had a big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT We finally got one to work
BREAKTHROUGH We finally figured out a use for it
MAINTENANCE FREE Impossible to fix