I want to address the issue of sexting among three groups of people: youth, celebrities and employees. It’s clear to me that we have crossed a cultural boundary somewhere. Sexting has become a normal and accepted behavior. “Normal” in that it’s engaged in and celebrated by many of its practitioners. It can be “accepted” behavior when mainstream publications laud those who use it to solidify their committed relationships. Sexting can also be illegal, embarrassing and downright stupid. It’s a confusing mess, isn’t it?
You already know what sexting is. We’ve been talking about it for several years now. But for those who’ve ignored the phenomenon, sexting is the sending and receiving of sexual content by text, email and other messaging systems. It can be text messages and photos or videos.
Sexting became normal when a significant percentage of the population began to engage in it. When consenting adults send sexy messages to each other, it isn’t worthy of note. But when we recognized teens were using their newly acquired cell phones to send dirty notes to each other, parents became concerned. And when those SMS messages became sexy photos being sent from one phone to another, or email to email, then parents became alarmed.
Some in the blogosphere confuse parental alarm with perceived American Puritanism about sex and our bodies. You may think there’s nothing wrong with teens discovering the appeal of the nude form and wishing to share that with one another. But that mentality ignores the legal and social environment we all live in. Currently, those images, however innocently they originate, can be considered child pornography. And whether discovered by the parent, the staff at your child’s school, or published to a website, once the legal system gets a hold of those images, you may find yourself dealing with far more than innocent intentions. You may find your child being charged with a felony, getting registered on a sex offender’s list and having serious harm done to their reputations and future.
For more on this topic and a review of current sexting prosecutions, I highly recommend Anne Collier’s blog entry on the topic.
The peer social environment will also restrain some teens from sexting. They can see the impact of having those images shared accidentally. Perhaps your teen has read of the tragic case where a young girl chose suicide rather than continue to be hounded for her sexting scandal. Often when a relationship ends, the jilted boyfriend/girlfriend might send those messages to others to embarrass their ex. Or there is a profit motive in obtaining these photos. In one recent case, a middle-school boy found he could rent his iPod Touch to other classmates because he had amassed a collection of nude and semi-clad images of his peers. Are you shocked that he had the photos or shocked that he was making money off his little home grown child pornography business? If you were his parent, how would you feel?
Kids would probably find sexting to be exciting no matter what was happening in the media, given the flush of adolescent excitement around anything sexual. Still, cultural boundaries around nudity and sex used to cause most teens to hesitate before taking and sharing nude images of themselves. I grew up in a time of instant photography with the Polaroid systems. And though I know adults took sexy images with those cameras, I don’t recall hearing of teens doing so. And even those who did could only share the photos one at a time. Photos taken with film cameras would be seen by the clerk at the drug store where you took them for developing. That a person you knew would see your images prevented many from taking sexy shots. I sense we’ve had a shift in those cultural boundaries, leading to confusion about what is normal, what is expected and what is to be celebrated. And in part, what’s led the shift has been adult behavior in this area, especially celebrity behavior.
One of the first celebrity sexting stories broke in 2007 when “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens sent her boyfriend nude photos of her. Initially her team of adult advisors denied the images were her but eventually she admitted she had taken the photos intentionally, shared them intentionally but they had leaked “somehow”.
In 2008, teen star Miley Cyrus was featured in a photo layout in Vanity Fair magazine that some characterized as child pornography. Considering her parental involvement in the project, the intentional creation and sharing of the images, the resulting scandal may have the taint of “strategy” about it. The headline on the Defamer link above wonders if having sexual images created is a “standard starlet move”.
In 2009 when Rihanna sent her boyfriend Chris Brown sexy photos and those photos were “leaked”, her primary concern was how her mother would react to the news. In fact, Rihanna even was quoted as saying “if you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him.” So she intentionally took the photos, intentionally sent the photos but they had leaked “somehow”.
Soon after, Lindsay Lohan sent out topless photos of herself via Twitter. In this case, she intentionally took, sent and distributed the photos. Some might say her actions reflect her fading star status and suspect it was an effort to keep her name (and image) in the news. Her famously dysfunctional parents were probably not disturbed by her actions nor likely to advise her against it.
So the cynic in me (and others) wonders how many of these celebrity sexting scandals are created with the intention of putting and keeping their “victims” in the press?
Now, this brings me round to the issue of employees and sexting. You might wonder what business your company has if you decide (as a consenting adult) to share images of yourself with loved ones or to send sexy text messages to them. The first concern is if you are using a work-provided device to send the messages, you aren’t using them for the purpose they were provided to you. The second issue is one of privacy. Currently a case is in front of the US Supreme Court to discern this very issue.If you wonder whether or not your employer has the right to review your messages (text, email, instant message, etc), don’t. They do. Many companies actively review messages in both an automated and manual method to prevent and detect sharing of company information or documents in inappropriate methods.
So it’s no wonder our kids are fascinated with and engaging in sexting. They know their peers are doing it, they read about their favorite celebrities doing it (one of whom even declares sending nude photos to be a minimum requirement of love) and adults (like Nicole Kidman) do it to keep in touch with their spouses.
I know the schools and local law enforcement are doing a great job of talking to kids about sexting and the risks it holds. But I wonder if the only action likely to have an impact is the one referred to by Rihanna. When her sexting photos were distributed to the public, she worried about how her mother would react to those photos. Make sure your children know how you’d react if you found out they’d engaged in sexting (particularly the photos that have legal risks associated with them.) Talk about the consequences in your own home if you EVER discover they have created, sent or received sexual images. Make the possibility of your child sexting one that they would be mortified to be caught at. I know that won’t make the activity go away. I know that it might actually make some kids more eager to try it. But I wonder if retrieving a little of our Puritanical shame might not be the best practice here.